Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
