So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You have to summon your inner elephant
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
