Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
