we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
