Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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