haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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