Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
