Who wears a wallet chain?!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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