Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
