dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
