Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
