I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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