But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
