she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize