i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
