oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
