I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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