Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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