i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
