some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
