saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
