I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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