My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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