i'm signing you up for texting rehab
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
