I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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