You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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