The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
