We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
