note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
