I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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