Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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