Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
