if you like me you must not know who I am
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
