So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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