A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
