I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
