i just wanna soil my oats bro
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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