He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
