home. puking in laundry basket.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
