p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
