oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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