Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
