I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
