I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
