i love accidental penises.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
