If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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