hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
