New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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