It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
