happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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