I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
