I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
